Cancer. One of the scariest words anyone will ever hear. Whether it be spoken to you, one of your loved ones, a friend….most everyone who hears that word will automatically think about death. I remember 3 years ago, when the doctor came in to my room and told me and my family members that I did in fact have leukemia. The very first thing that popped in my head was that I did not want to die. I was 27, was newly engaged, just got my MBA, had a good job, a wonderful family and so many hopes and dreams ahead of me. Why was that happening to me? And now, staring it in the face all over again has brought back those same fears. Even in someone with the strongest faith and belief in God, when faced with a life or death situation, it is scary and it brings worry and pain for everyone involved. AML treatment has come a long way, however it is not where it needs to be. It’s not one of those cancers that have high long term survival rates. It’s not one that guarantees that after a bone marrow transplant you are in the clear. It is one that the doctors treat the best way they know how, to give you the best chance of survival.
I was reminded today by the floor psychologist of the long road that lies ahead. I was fortunate enough the first time around to not have to undergo a bone marrow transplant. Even after 4 rounds of intense chemotherapy I was back to normal within 6-7 months. A transplant is a totally different scenario, and one that I guess I didn’t fully understand. I was told that from start to finish, most transplant patients do not return to their normal lives for at least a year. It brought me down a bit. I am strong, but I am also human and there are times (sometimes many) where I experience weakness. I will get through this, God will bring me through this, and once this storm is over, I will be even stronger than I was before.
One of my favorite songs is "Praise You In This Storm" by the Casting Crowns. For anyone who is facing or in the midst of a storm, please listen to it. It will remind you of why you do not need to worry and to trust and believe that He will never leave your side.
I know this isn’t one of my most uplifting posts, but this is my journey, that is going to have many ups and downs. Thank you for being there along the way.
Admitting you have this fear is never easy, especially in a place where everyone and anyone can read it. That alone shows you have courage. One of my favorite songs is "You Make Me Brave" by Amanda Cook and Bethel Music. My favorite line is "You make me brave, you call me out beyond the shore into the waves". Challenges, and certainly the very hard ones like facing possible death, are what make our faith and resolve grow. In fact, I believe that our faith and resolve grow exponentially quicker with really difficult challenges. It is OK to be afraid of death. There is no shame in that! What is more important than anything is to face that fear with hope and trust in our Lord. He shares our fears for He knows our hearts to the very depths and He smiles on our courage and reliance on Him. He makes us brave Sof. He has made you brave and He will be there if/when you sinks, because you have had the courage to leave the shore and head into the waves. :) Love you! Keep looking up! -Amber
ReplyDeleteSophia, professing your faith, sharing your fears and receiving encouragement is probably the best line of defense against any storm! The healing process has begun! I AM thanking God for your journey everyday!
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