Back Home

Praise Jesus! I am back home. The doctor discharged me from the hospital yesterday afternoon, and I can’t even tell you how happy I am. How happy we all are, really….Braxton, my mom, dad, sister,  mom in law, LONDYNN….everyone. Yes, that is only a small piece of what I have left to battle, but it’s something and I am just taking it a day at a time. When I have time to sit and think about things….all of what lies ahead, it brings me down. I get scared all over again, I get discouraged, I feel hopelessness, I feel like there is no end to this very dark tunnel. But then my husband is the best at bringing me back and uplifting me. I think God brought him in my life for this very reason. To pick me up when I’m down and to be by my side along the way. His faith and trust in God is admirable and helps strengthen mine when I am weak.

 

I am now 5 days post chemo and all is well. Feeling the normal tired, but nothing more. Now that I am home I have to go to the outpatient clinic every day to get my counts checked, a neupogen shot (stimulates the white blood cells to come back), and blood transfusions as needed. Today I didn’t need any blood products but they gave me some IV fluids since I was a little dehydrated. I usually drink tons of water throughout the day, but things just don’t taste right, even water, so yeah….

 

I don’t know if having to go to the infusion center every day is going to be great for me (mentally). It is nice seeing other people going through the same thing to know that I am not alone, but it is sad at the same time. Some of them are post transplant, some of them are waiting for a transplant, some are newly diagnosed like me….it’s really sad to see how sick these people are. I’ve been through this before (minus the transplant) so kind of know what to expect, but I don’t remember looking as sick as some of the people I saw today. Maybe I am in denial, or maybe I just didn’t realize how sick I really was, or maybe it’s because I am young and handle it better than some. Who knows, but it’s sad, period. There was a lady who was sitting next to me probably in her 60’s. The doctor had come over to talk to her about how her donor fell through and that she will have to do another round of chemo until her new donor is available to donate the stem cells. She broke down crying, and said that she doesn’t feel like there is an end to all of this. My heart broke for her, and then I prayed for her. I then started thinking about how that could be me if my sister doesn’t end up being a match and the fear started all over again. Being African American, it becomes a lot harder to find matches since they are so underrepresented on the registry. They can do a lot more with transplants these days including using matches that aren’t 100% and using cord blood, but it’s still scary. My cousin texted me during this time, and I told her how I was feeling and she said, “Soph the Holy Spirit keeps telling me not to worry. I know in my heart God is gonna take care of you. He already has a plan to get you out of this. Just believe cousin!” These words couldn’t be more true. He has always been faithful to me and never left my side. He isn’t going to start now. I am so grateful to serve such an awesome God!

 

Jeremiah 33:6

“Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security”