Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! I am still cancer free. I met with my doctor last week and received the good news. I had my 1 year post transplant testing, and had to patiently wait a couple weeks before sitting down with him to discuss everything. I figured that if anything came back bad they wouldn’t wait 2 weeks to tell me, so I was able to relax a bit during the waiting period and went into the meeting feeling only slightly nervous.

My bone marrow biopsy came back clear of any signs of leukemia. All of my other tests were perfectly normal including those tests that see how my immune system is recovering. It’s functioning as it should with normal levels of neutrophils, T and B cells, etc that help me fight infections. But even with that, I have been getting sick frequently. My doctor attributes it to Londynn bringing bugs home from school and my cord blood cells’ immaturity. 

I had many questions, but the most pressing question was what my risk is of the leukemia returning now that I made it 1 year after transplant. He explained that when someone relapses for a second or third time the cancer usually returns within half the time it did the first time. I relapsed after 3 years, so based on that theory, it would most likely return in half of that time. He mentioned that if I make it to 2 years without any signs of leukemia, I am probably cured. Of course there is always the chance of it returning in any time frame, but my high risk zone is between the point I reached remission and 2 years. Most people relapse within the first year after transplant. I was also told this the first time around…that it is highly unlikely for the leukemia to return after 2 years. But mine came back after 3, so there is no telling. My doctor is very confident that I am cured and my cancer will not return (of course, he’s supposed to say that!), so I’m going to go with that and leave everything else in the hands of God!

After my meeting I had the pleasure of getting several vaccinations. After you have a stem cell transplant, all the vaccinations you received as a kid/adult are wiped out. So I have to get EVERYTHING again. I received 6 vaccines….yes 6! All separate too. The nurse did 3 in each arm. They are now just getting over being sore :-/ At least I am somewhat protected now. I think by 2.5 years post transplant I will have them all.

My family was in town this past weekend! I love it when they come to visit! It’s almost like a vacation for me because Londynn wants nothing to do with me and everything to do with her auntie, granny and grampy. So I get to relax a bit J We took Londynn to the park and she fell in love with a dog that was there. She got a lot of exercise chasing the poor thing around. We do want to eventually get her a pup but are waiting until we have a house with a big backyard! Braxton was in San Fran for the Super Bowl festivities. The NFLPA (NLF Players Association) had parties and events the whole weekend. Since he played he is able to take part in all of their activities. Free food and drinks all weekend, not to mention 15-20 gifts! Nice gifts too.  Now it’s back to reality and work for everyone! Many blessings to you all!

 

Londynn and her great grandma

Londynn playing with great granny

Rebirthday!

Ok, so I recently realized that it has been months since I did an update! Big oooops! With the holidays and fighting a virus left and right, I have not even thought about my blog. Actually, I have thought about it and about writing, but never got around to it. Sorry! Happy New Year and I wish everyone happiness and health. My mom would always tell me that without your health, you have nothing. I never realized what she was saying until my good health was destroyed (thankfully temporarily) by cancer. She is absolutely right. I wouldn’t go to the extent of saying you have ‘nothing,’ because with family and friends, life is worth living and fighting for, but it causes an immense amount of stress (mentally, physically, financially), worry, pain and suffering for everyone involved. So with that, I wish you all good health this year!

I reached my year post transplant mark. January 20^th was my 1^st Rebirthday! May sound ridiculous, but in the transplant world we call our anniversaries rebirthdays. And they are exactly that…our second (for some 3^rd or 4^th) chance at life. I am forever grateful to the researchers, physicians, nurses, family, friends and the most important, our Holy and Gracious God for healing and helping me get through it all. I was in no way strong enough to get through it alone. One of my favorite songs is by Matthew West, called “Strong Enough.” The message is so true, especially during trying times:

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Giving up is never an option for me, but when I am in a position where I need strength because I can’t do it by myself, I ask God to please give it to me and He does! There is nothing wrong with admitting that you can’t do it alone and asking for the strength to get you through. We need it, quite often! That is why our loving God is so incredible…He is always there for us, to get us through anything, even when we think there is no way to make it.

 The past few months have been interesting. It seems like I’ve been sick constantly since November. Frustrating, but comes with having a weak immune system. It started off with the RSV and cold virus I mentioned in my last update. It went downhill from there :-/ Once I recovered from those I had something called Adenovirus. I had a fever and felt miserable for a few days. Once that was over I was in the clear for a couple weeks, but then caught another cold type virus. Then most recently I had another cold virus (3^rd one since November!) and Norovirus!! The worst! A lot of the symptoms are TMI so I will just say…it was awful and I was feeling really crappy for about a week. Now I’m finally feeling back to normal, back running, and food actually sounds appetizing. I am hoping next year this time won’t be as bad since I’ve been exposed to pretty much everything! Ok, that’s extreme…I obviously haven’t, but feels like it. My immune system is getting exposed to so much, which is great, but exhausting. Thanks to Londynn and all the fun stuff she brings home from school, I am doomed L

On a positive note, my immune system is recovering quite well. Despite all of these viruses I have been catching, my body has been doing a fantastic job of fighting it off. I haven’t had to be hospitalized or put on any medications. And each time I've felt better fairly quickly…although the norovirus symptoms stuck with me a while. I’m looking forward to the spring when most viruses slow down, and of course the summer where there is rarely anything going around.

We didn’t do much to celebrate my rebirthday. I took a picture so I can hopefully look back 10 years down the road and say OMG, I can’t believe it’s been 10 years! I bought some cake and ice cream and we were going to go out to dinner, but the Norovirus had me feeling like you know what. So we just stayed in and ate our cake and ice cream and I enjoyed the life I am able to have because of my transplant. Thankful doesn’t even describe the feeling I have of being able to be here, in the flesh, with my daughter, husband and those I love. It’s indescribable and you will never know the feeling unless you have been face to face with death. 



Happy Rebirthday to me!

I had my year restaging last week. This is where they do a million tests to see where I am at and how my recovery is going. I had another bone marrow biopsy, and pulmonary function tests and I don’t even know how many blood tests. They drew about 12 tubes of blood that day. I meet with my doctor next week to go over the results. I am hopeful that everything is good! I can’t imagine they would wait 2 weeks to tell someone if anything came back bad….screwed up if they would!

Although I am doing fantastic, life will still never really be back to normal for me. Well, I should rephrase...life will never go back to how it was before cancer. I have a new normal which is fine. Those who have never been through a journey like this, don’t understand the process, or this things that come with it, or that life doesn’t just bounce back like nothing ever happened. As far as side effects from my treatments, I am doing great with minimal problems. I do still have issues with my skin, but it’s manageable and something I have accepted. My organs are all functioning normal, my blood pressure is fantastic, I am healthy and physically able to do pretty much everything I need to and more (if I wanted). But the emotional toll this has had on me won’t ever go away. I’m not depressed by any means, but I will always have the fear of my cancer returning, or freak out when I get a bruise or weird test result. It’s ongoing and will never ever go away. It may be hard to understand, and I wouldn’t even expect you to understand if you have never been through it. It gets exhausting at times. And causes stress, which is definitely not what I need.

For example, my PA was concerned why I was getting so many viruses even with having a cord blood transplant a year ago. She made it sound like it wasn’t normal and wanted to run some tests to see how my immune system was recovering. After talking to her I started thinking and wondering why she made it sound so bad that I have been catching so many viruses. To me, I thought there was nothing wrong since I am essentially like a baby and they get sick all the time. Even the people around me with normal immune systems were getting sick! Then I just broke down and cried and cried because I was so tired of always having something to worry about. It’s not fair. I’m 31 and should not be having to constantly worry that there is something wrong with my health. I get extremely nervous when I see my blood counts fluctuate. They are always fluctuating, even in a “normal”person, but whenever I see my counts drop, I worry. The adenovirus had caused my counts to go down quite a bit, way more than they usually do. I was a mess, even with my PA reassuring me that it was the virus and not a relapse of the cancer. Blood cancer will do that to you. Your blood results mean everything, and any indication (even if it’s just a normal fluctuation) that there may be something going on causes me anxiety.  As a Christian with a strong faith in our Lord, I should not worry. I should trust and have faith that God will handle anything that comes my way. But I am also human, and genetically woven with WORRY, so it overtakes me at times. And in those times, once I have cried it out and came back down to earth, I remember to leave it to God because He has always been faithful.

My family is coming in to visit next week and I’m so excited! Braxton is heading out to San Francisco for the SuperBowl. So jealous, but at least my family will be here to keep us company! I’m also looking forward to the game. It’s going to be a good one!  Go Broncos!! Many blessings to you all!

Playing dressup

Cousins

Londynn with her auntie and great grandma

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

  

Hey all! It is that time again….Thanksgiving! I can’t believe another year has gone by. I look back and think about where I was a year ago, and have many reasons to be thankful this season. I am alive and well! Alive…it’s almost surreal to think that my life could have taken a different turn at any time through my journey, but thankfully it didn’t and I am here today.

I have been fighting an awful cold the past few weeks that of course, Londynn brought home from school. It started off as just a cold with a runny nose, but progressively got worse (cough, extremely tired). I went into the clinic to get a viral/respiratory test done to see what was going on. It came back positive for 2 viruses. One which wasn’t concerning and the other RSV, which is a respiratory virus that can be serious in babies and older adults. It may be obvious that I am neither one of those, but my immune system is! It is essentially that of an 11 month old baby since I had a cord blood transplant. I fortunately haven’t had a fever, but the cough and nonstop runny nose has been exhausting. I was given and inhaler to help control my cough and pretty much just have to ride it out until it passes. It seems that Londynn is feeling better as am I!

My clinic visits are very slim…once every 4-6 weeks (had to go earlier than expected this month because of the RSV). My counts are awesome…most are normal, but still a few that are low which is expected being 11 months out from transplant. My immune system has recovered very well and some of the markers they look at to measure recovery are normal! Pretty amazing!

I feel like we have been so busy! Every weekend there is something going on. It’s a great thing, and I am so grateful I am able to keep up. Braxton’s football season is over, so Londynn and I are thrilled to have him back LOL! We had family pictures done this past weekend. Our photographer, who has shot us once before is so good at what she does! I’m amazed she was able to get any good pics the way Londynn was acting! She was doing great at the beginning then as the session went on, the wild toddler came out. I’ve posted a few from the “sneak peek” she provided us. Happy Thanksgiving and many blessings to you all!

1 Year

Hey, hey, hey! Happy October! I can’t believe it has been 1 year since my 2nd diagnosis. October 17^th marked exactly 1 year since I got the dreaded news and was immediately admitted to the hospital for testing and treatment. It makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I try to forget those awful moments but will get little reminders here and there. For instance, I recently saw the doctor who confirmed that the cancer had returned, at work one day. It brought back all those memories. I’ve said this before, and I will say it again…it was the worst day of my life. But with that said, I was never left alone and God healed and brought me through with such amazing grace and mercy.

I have been back to work for a little over a month. It has been awesome! I am happy to say that life finally feels back to normal. Took a while, but with all things considered, I am ahead of the game with respect to recovery time, being back to work, and my body being close to normal. I know many patients don’t get to where I am for years post transplant. My body definitely doesn’t feel the same. I’ve accepted it as my “new normal.” My hair and skin aren’t the same. My body hurts a lot more (aches and pains). I have lost weight through all of this and I think it’s finally starting to stabilize. The changes are a struggle sometimes, but I manage, and I will obviously take this over the cancer any day!

In one of my earlier posts I mentioned how our pastor is always right on with his messages.  They always seem to fit right into my current life situations. I also know that this is God working and not just coincidence. This past Sunday Louie dived into a new series called “The Comeback.”  It’s based on the fact that God is all about comebacks….He performed the greatest one of all by rising from the dead.  God gives fresh starts to people, and hope to the hopeless, direction to the lost, and helps those who need help. He is always good and his plans will always prevail, even when our plans don’t. He already has a solution no matter what kind of disappointment, pain, or heartache we experience. He always offers a new beginning and the way forward. If we open up our hearts to Him, He can turn our mess into a masterpiece as He is the final say in our lives. It was a wonderful message and an emotional one for me being it was 1 year since my 2^nd diagnosis and 4 years since my 1^st. God’s work in my life is a constant testimony to his presence, power and goodness!

I am doing amazingly well, and only seeing my oncologist every 6 weeks. It feels like I have my freedom back now that I am rarely there. But when I do go, it brings back unhappy memories and emotions for those who are just starting the process. It’s sad to know that cancer and disease is everywhere, nearly suffocating us. It’s incredibly comforting to know we have someone to turn to in those difficult times to heal and get us through. What an amazing, faithful, merciful, powerful God we serve.  

My friend Crissy and I took our little ones to an apple farm this past weekend. We had so much fun and the girls LOVED it! A big difference from where I was a year ago. There is so much to live for and I am definitely living it!